Whatever it is, we all have to face discouragement at some point. I know from personal experience. I've lived a wonderful life to this point full of adventure, excitement, love and blessing. But it's also been full of discouragements. From losing my parents early in life to moving across the country for a job that I ultimately didn't get, I have faced some biggies as well as multiple small ones! I am no stranger to the land of depression, anxiety, and discouragement. But through it all I have learned a lot.
One of the greatest skills we get to learn in life is how to minister to ourselves. Let's be honest, there's not always going to be someone there to pick us up when we're having a tough time. Sometimes we are alone or simply surrounded by those who are only exacerbating the problem and not helping it. There are going to be times when we are going to be the only ones who can turn things around.
In those times we have choices. Do we bemoan the fact that we are alone, using it as an excuse to go get drunk at the bar? (Been there, done that.) Do we start blaming the rest of the world for our problems and use it as an excuse to close ourselves off and grow bitter? (Yeah, that wasn't fun...) Do we blame ourselves to the point that we become utterly useless and broken? (Because that is SO helpful...) Or do we learn how to avoid the traps and grow?
I'll be honest, I have partnered with all three of the bad choices in that list. Probably some more too if I could think of them at the moment. They all did absolutely nothing for me. At one point I even stumbled through a 6 month depression because of my disappointment. A time where I regularly drank too much and fought with God and contemplated how great it would be to be dead. Yes, this was AFTER I had graduated ministry school.
Just because I knew Jesus and wanted to live a life in ministry did not mean I had “arrived” or that I was free from the process of maturity. It happens to us all, some quicker than others, but no one is exempt. If even Jesus had to grow in favor with man AND God before His ministry, then you can bet we will have to as well.
Thankfully God does offer us shortcuts sometimes. Especially if we are open to learning from others and Him. Because of this I'm going to share some keys to ministering to yourself that I have learned, my hopes being that you will be able to use these to avoid some of the hard lessons I had to learn in my stubbornness and naivete.
1) What is God saying about the situation?
In the event we face discouragement in life, the very first thing I recommend doing is fight for some alone time. Get alone with God and offer up what is affecting you. Be specific. Then after offering it up to Him ask Him what He says about the situation. Then shut up and listen. Rest in Him. Listen for His voice. Sometimes He'll give you specific words, sometimes He'll just show you something. But whatever it is He will encourage you. If what you hear is not encouraging or loving, then you're picking up the wrong voice. God is always encouraging and loving, even when He convicts. So listen and wait until you get something.
2) What is God saying about you?
While you're in the quiet place, make sure you ask God what He's saying about you as well. Oftentimes our discouragement will be followed with accusations from the Enemy. Some of his favorites are, “You're a failure.” “What did you expect, you're not worth good things!” “You can't trust anyone.” “God hates you.” Etc.. etc... Thankfully, we know that he is a liar, so if you can find the strength you'll find that what he says is actually quite funny and you can laugh at it. But if you don't have that strength, just go the Lord. Tell the enemy to shut up and just listen to what God is saying about you. He will tell you how loved you are, how amazing you are, and He might even share with you the name He calls you by (feel free to ask Him for that!). God sees us as we are in our finality, being that He is outside of time. He sees the finished product and He will encourage you in that.
3) Trust the words you're given
Far too often we negate what God is trying to minister to us because we either a) don't want to believe it (“I just want to be mad for a while...”) or b) we have bad beliefs that don't allow us to accept the good things He is telling us. Here's a rule I've learned in my years growing in relationship with God. If what I hear in my head is too good to be true, well then it's usually God. He is so much better, so much more loving, so much more encouraging than we could ever begin to comprehend! The reason it can be hard to accept is because our experience with people has taught us that no one is that good. No one could possibly believe in us that much. Well I'm here to tell you that He is that good, and He believes in you far more than you believe in yourself.
Trust the words. They will encourage and strengthen you.
4) What has God said?
If you're having trouble hearing from the Lord, then it's time to go to the Bible. Heck, go to the Bible even IF you're hearing from Him! It will only amplify the awesome stuff He's saying. Read through Psalms until you find one that connects with your heart. Or go through the New Testament and find all the promises Jesus, Paul, and the other writers speak about our futures and all the amazing things God has planned for us. Take those things and strengthen yourself.
5) Never forget that God is always Good
When bad things happen it is often easy to let the lie in that somehow God “wanted” it to happen. This is a lie. The truth is that God is always good and His will is not always done. How can this be so? You might ask. It's so because God in His sovereignty gave us free will. When He did that He backed off humankind to the extent where He said, “I'm not in control of your life unless you let me be.” When that applies to 6 billion people, you can bet that there are going to be many things that happen that are not of God but the results of human disobedience. We, all humans, are far more powerful than we realize. So don't blame God. Most times our difficult situations are the results of our disobedience or the disobedience of another human. Which brings us to the next item...
6) Be quick to forgive. Look, if Jesus could cry out for forgiveness for the Roman soldiers hammering nails into His hands then we can forgive the person who called us stupid or didn't hire us because they hired a family member instead. A lot of people are stuck in a rut of depression and or disappointment simply because they refuse to forgive. Jesus says that when we don't forgive we literally invite torment into our lives. (Matthew 18:34) It's our choice. I highly recommend choosing forgiveness. Both of those that hurt you, and of yourself as well.
7) Find something fun to do!
Yes! Here is something that far too few people don't give you permission to do. Well I'm going to do it. Instead of facing your discouragement by hunkering down and either working harder or trying to prove yourself, just walk away and take a break. Find the thing you enjoy doing the most, or the people you most enjoy being around, and go let loose! When you are having fun, when you are around others having fun, everything else seems so trivial in the moment. Joy comes back. That's important because joy is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). We need to let our hearts heal, and more often than not that comes through laughing and enjoyment. Remember not all your problems can be solved in a moment, but being strengthened on the inside will grow our momentum in overcoming them. Fun, long discredited, will build you up!
8) Make sure you are living in expectancy, not expectation
Expectation says, “This will happen at such time.” Expectation believes for specific things to the point where we have it all figured out. This presents a place where God cannot move beyond the restrictions of your box, which sets you up for disappointment. Basically because God refuses to work within a box.
Expectancy, on the other hand, is the hope and expectation of good things in general. Expectancy does not limit God to WHAT good things He presents to you, it simply believes that a good God is always working on our behalf to grow us and bless us (Jeremiah 29:11). This is Kingdom thinking. It is the thinking that matures us to get through hard circumstances and disappointments without falling into the long trappings of discouragement and depression. It is the secret to having joy in all circumstances.
9) Finally, get back on the horse
After letting go, finding out what God is saying, making sure you're forgiven, learning to live in expectancy instead of expectation, and finding your joy again, it's time to start moving forward. Realize that every time a major obstacle in life discourages you that God is there to help you overcome in time. Know that every time God doesn't answer a prayer immediately with a “yes” it's because He is saving His “yes!” for something better. Know that, no matter what, God is on your side and He believes in you.
As you continue in this you will learn that you cannot fail. You can have setbacks, but you will always fall forward.
I've learned many of these lessons the hard way. I'm still not perfect at implementing them, but I've found that when I do I am so much better in life. I'm quicker to overcome, I'm faster to be in my right mindset, and I'm more influential. As I grow in ministering to myself when needed I grow harder for the enemy to slow down, and I grow more useful to God on a day-to-day basis. I also get to live in more joy, more hope, and more faith than I would otherwise. Who wouldn't want that?
