A Request: Ladies, Help Save this Generation of Men

Ladies, I have a request.

It might seem like I'm asking a lot, and maybe I am. But I need your help. I can't do it without you.

You see, for a long time now we men have been losing out identity. We have been losing track of who we are created to be. I would like to say it's no one's fault, but it's actually the fault of a lot of people. It's the fault of the media, the school system (especially higher education), and the political system. It's the fault of men who bought the lies that they were inherently evil and taught us to think the same, it's the thought of women who encouraged this thinking. Look, I'm not making this up. It has been explored by others much smarter than me (see here, or here, or here).

The world, at least those controlling most of our cultural thinking, has turned against us. Yeah, we put up a good fight for a long time, but we've tired. After years and years of being told we're terrible just for being male, after being given drugs as children simply because we had more energy, after being constantly taught that out natural instincts are oppressive and dangerously violent, we have really started to believe that there is something wrong with us. Of course, that doesn't change the way we feel. It doesn't change that we HAVE those instincts and desires. We can't just shut them off.

So we have gotten stuck. We've been told that women want companions more like them; soft, tender, compassionate, etc... but then when we act that way we get overlooked or rejected. We've been told that we shouldn't take as much risk, that we shouldn't be so bold, and that our instincts are wrong, so we stick it out in jobs that make us miserable because we are afraid of ourselves. We learn not to dream because our dreams are dumb. We have been taught that the things we like are bad, so we have grown resentful or depressed.

Because we are stuck we have started to retreat. Many of us have turned to pornography because we feel rejected by women. I know I did at one point of my life. Most of us are addicted to video games because in them we can be a part of a world where we matter, we make a difference. We have grown accustomed to living our lives artificially because in the outside world we don't feel safe to be ourselves. Or we turn to alcohol, simply to escape, or maybe to find courage that we would otherwise lack as our thinking gets hazy.

I'm appealing to you because I'm one of those men, and I don't even have it as bad as most. I was blessed to be raised by a real man who knew his identity and taught me much. I am still blessed to have a relationship with God which consistently gives me strength to get back on track. And yet, I still struggle despite these advantages. I struggle with fear of failure. I struggle with wanting to escape often. I struggle with whether or not it's ok to like the things I love; things like sports (especially football) or war movies. I struggle because I'm told that violence is incredibly evil, yet I want to jump at the chance to engage in competitive physicality. I don't want to hurt anyone, I just crave adventure and the thrill of the hunt.

I can't change these things about myself, neither can any of us men. But we're told its wrong. We live in places where there is little to no outlet for us. We live discouraged as a result. This is why many days my favorite two hours is at night when the family is sleeping, when I get to go explore new worlds or hit the game-winning shot... on my Playstation. 

Ladies, the reason I need your help is because society has deemed you the favorites. Look, I know you still have your problems too. I know that there is plenty men need to do to help you as well. We need to assure you that you're beautiful, we need to pursue you, protect you, empower you. You need us, just like we need you. We men have harmed you, belittled you, taken you for granted. We really don't deserve your help.

But we need it.

The biggest reason we're not available to be what you need is because we have lost who we are. We have misplaced our identity. No, it's not all of us, not at all. But it is most of us. Most of us that are teenagers into our 40s. Those are the years most affected by this. The generations that have grown up being told we are messed up because we are male. We are the ones who have been raised in a society that consistently tries to rewire men into something we are not or ever will be.

So what am I asking for? Not a whole lot, at least, I don't think so. What we need from you is not an establishment of our identity as males. That's the job of our fathers and male mentors. It's their job to teach us how to be men, it's their responsibility (unfortunately many of them have failed us, but that's for another time). We shouldn't and couldn't honestly expect you to teach us how to be male, you wouldn't know where to start.

What we need isn't too hard, but it's incredibly important.

We need affirmation. We need to know it's ok to be us. We need to know you love us even when you don't understand us. I'm talking to you mothers, sisters, wives, and friends. As men we need to be encouraged and respected. I'm not asking you to support us if we're abusive or negligent. I'm not asking you to ignore and enable us if we are involved in an addiction. No, there are things that males tend to get involved in that are harmful which should not be made alright. My request is that the fear of those things does not create disapproval of male qualities that are good and inherent.

We crave adventure and risk which means that we will often fail as well as have great successes if we are living fully. We need encouragement and support through that. Most of us will automatically drift towards tales of heroism and valor, which means that most of us will enjoy movies which contain violence or will flock to sports. This isn't a character flaw, but rather a source of our inspiration. We want to be strong, we want to be courageous, and we want to use our strength for good. We need this to be encouraged and be free to pursue such things, even if you don't get it. It is when these things are not healthily pursued that men become repressed and turn to bitterness, rage, and then either harmful violence or detachment. Our good qualities get perverted into bad when we are not allowed to grow in them correctly.

I realize this might sound crazy to many of you, and that's fine. All we need is for you to listen and understand that this is what we need. We need these things to be better for you, for our families, and for ourselves.

Ladies, we adore you! Even those of us who have been hurt still crave your attention. We may be broken, we may have become bitter, but we can always come back.

The next time you hear that "chivalry is dead" please remember that it's not. It has been stifled and repressed, absolutely. But I assure you as a man that most of us really want to be chivalrous. Most of us really want to be your "knight in shining armor." We want to give you the things that make you come alive. The problem is that for years we've been told that those things which make us come most alive are wrong. We've been told that the world doesn't really want us, it just wants more women. So we either tried to be that and found we couldn't, or we just got tired of not being wanted. Either way, many of us have given up. With your help, we can find our way back. A little affirmation, encouragement, and freedom to go after those things that you don't quite understand will make a world of difference.

I know that most of you have been hurt by us as well, and I am sorry for that. We have failed you, over and over again. So I ask for your forgiveness as well. As a man I know that we make a lot of mistakes, but I also know that, given the chance, we can be really excellent at making up for those mistakes.

This may seem like a lot, especially if we've hurt you. But we need it. We need you. Please help us get back on track. We are so ready to come alive again, to retake our place in the grand scheme of things. To be real men full of strength and vision. Full of passion and tenderness, adventurousness and loyalty. The need for this return is great.

As a man who recognizes this issue I give you my word that I am doing what I can to give men back their identities. I father my son to be himself but to also value and cherish the difference in a woman. I love to mentor other men into knowing it's ok to be themselves. I believe in men being men. Real men, men who value and empower women while also pursuing their dreams. Men who are responsible but also unafraid. I believe it is a call on my life to help them become who they are meant to be.

And in my experience the scariest thing to these men is you. Women. They are terrified to disappoint you, they are frightened of being rejected by you. You have so much more power over how a man grows into manhood than you could possibly know. They want to be what they believe you want them to be, what the culture tells them you want. When they find out that it's all a lie they grow disheartened, they start to give up.

So please, let them know the truth. Let them know that you want a "nice guy" but that doesn't mean "feminized." Let them know that they can inspire you by being bold and brave. Give them the freedom to pursue their adventures.

We need you. Help us save a generation. Help us be men again. We can't do it without you.

The Hope for America

Anyone else tired of all the nitpicking, backbiting, infighting, slandering ineptitude of our political leadership? What about the incessant, bigoted, uneducated, hateful ramblings from regular people on both sides of the spectrum that invade our social media feeds? Anyone tired of that as well?

There are some major problems in our nation right now, that's obvious. This bickering is a major part of it. I can say this as someone who isn't an outsider, but as someone whose been a major part of the problem as well. I used to love political rants. I would go on them almost daily on my Facebook page or to anyone nearby within earshot; to willing and unwilling listeners. I did this because I really loved my country, but I also fully believed I knew how to fix it and was willing to blame those who didn't (which always seemed to be the people in charge). I believed in this so much I pursued it in college as a Political Science major. I had full confidence in this ability of mine, of my own understanding, and as a result I had a lot of people who admired me, as well as a long list of those who couldn't stand me. I can write this because I have been in the muck.

So what was wrong with that? What's wrong with having strong beliefs and taking a stand? Nothing. Nothing, as long as it's done in love. Everything if it isn't.

This is about the time that most people who don't believe in God or spiritual realities are probably going to check out. That's fine. You're on your own journey and if you don't want glimpses of mine there's no hard feelings. But it's time to step back from liberalism and conservatism and see the truth of what's going on.

There is an enemy in this world that has been destroying nations since the inception of nations. It is dastardly, fiendish, subtle and brilliant. It has influenced the most foolish people in the world and the most brilliant. It has consumed the most strident atheist and overtaken the minds of many Christians. It is the Political Spirit, and its power is in convincing man that he has all the answers and that he must get power to institute them.

This spirit cleverness is in convincing man that his idea is the only way. It is in getting man (or woman) to believe that they are wise. The Political Spirit puffs man up to the point that every other opinion or idea must be crushed and seen as the enemy. It thrives in creating an "us against them" mentality. It works to focus man on problems rather than solutions. It breeds hate and dissension. In short, it is ingenious at getting man to focus on everything else but where all the answers really lie, in God.

The last few years have seen our country influenced more by this spirit than ever before. We are catering to its whims. We have let it infect our thoughts, our emotions, our faith. Those of us that are Christians carry the most blame, for we should know better. Instead we have let our pulpits become places where we ignite political fires. We have let our political affiliation become a stronger identity than our heavenly one. We have let too many of our own use Biblical truth as justification for hatred and judgment, pushing those we disagree with further away. We have denied the power of the Gospel to unify and change. We have allowed the political spirit to convince us that things are getting worse, that hope is dwindling. In doing so we have denied Christ by belittling Him to a masthead of either strict, legalistic conservatism or all-inclusive, Grace-fueled universal acceptance of sinful nature liberalism. In doing so we have forgotten that He is so much more than either and beholden to neither.

People aren't listening to us because they don't feel safe with us. They don't feel loved. This goes all the way up to our President, whom we as Christians have done a shameful job in honoring. We have become no better than those who despised President Bush. The Bible is pretty clear about how we should honor our authority. Christians then were still loving Nero even when he burned them on stakes to provide light for his nightly walks. What's our excuse to not love our own President?

Christians, it's time to wake up! It's time to refocus onto our First Love, onto our Lord, Savior, and Perfecter of our Faith. It's time to stop reading the Gospel through political lenses and instead let God speak to us. It's time to stop letting morality be an excuse for judgment. It's time to stop seeing those who disagree with us as enemies and instead embrace them. Love is the only way we can change the world. Love is the gift and power that Christ has given us. Love is patient, gentle and kind, our political bantering is none of those things.

As we shift our focus a wonderful thing will happen. Hope floods back in! Love overcomes! We discover quickly that God has not forsaken our nation, He has not judged it and left it behind. He is at work! Suddenly those who we disagree with become people to us again. We suddenly find that we have much more in common than we previously believed. As we look back to Christ He changes how we see others. Suddenly there are no more liberals and conservatives, there are just people. As we love them we find that fear goes away, and suddenly we can work together for answers. We once again all become Americans who are in it together.

It starts with us, it starts at the ground level. If we want to change Washington we need to stop screaming at them and instead start loving those around us. As we do so the waves of change will come. As we start to see value in everyone despite their differences we will find that reasonable solutions can be found. Will there be outliers who cannot be worked with? Absolutely. But why are we worried about them? Christ certainly wasn't. He just kept going and loving more. Why are we so quick to ignore the actions of the one who had the solutions? Why are we so quick to shut off His voice in our lives?

The hope for America is and always has been in Him. It's not in our Constitution, it's not in International Law, it's not in the next election or the next sweeping legislation. Those can all be wonderful things, but they are not our hope. As believers we have no excuse to forget this. We have no excuse to stop loving others or to treat them as if they are stupid. When we deny our faith by putting our politics first we not only are sinning but we are hurting the image of Christ to all those who do not know Him.

Yet Hope abounds for out nation! And we must recognize it in order to be encouraged. The Founding Fathers of our nation gave us a great gift, and I don't mean the Constitution. They gave us a start, a birth that no other nation in history has had. We were the first nation born free. We were the first nation which had the spirit of freedom inbred in us from the beginning. In God's infinite wisdom He knew this, and because of this we have the greatest advantage of winning our spiritual battles of any nation in history. The proof is everywhere even in darker times. The people, when encroached upon, consistently fight back on the side of freedom. No matter what our beliefs, we are ingrained to believe that "no man can control me." This is a God-given gift of being born an American. The spirit of freedom, true freedom, freedom to love, freedom to serve, freedom to pursue relationship, is the nature of Christ. It is a powerful force, and it always wins once it is experienced.

America is not lost. It is not beyond saving. God is good, and He loves our nation as He loves all nations. He also always finishes what He starts, and there is no denying that He started something wonderful in our nation. People of America, especially we who believe in God. it's time to let hope come back in. It's time to focus on and live as Christ empowers us. If we truly love our nation more than ourselves then answer the Call. The answer to saving our nation all lies in our willingness to pursue Him first above all in our individual and corporate lives. In doing so we will find ears deaf to our shouting become open to our whispers. That is how revival starts. That is how nations are changed.

All it takes is us saying "YES!" to Him. How easy is that?

The Weakness of Theology

The last couple years of my life have changed everything for me. When you decide to really go after God everything shifts. Two and a half years ago I made the decision to be all-in. I made the choice to go after all that I had believed to be true but with no more safety net to keep me comfortable. I decided to put my faith to the test. Of course, I didn't know it at the time.

Long story short, I decided to go back to school in order to pursue that which I believed was my call in life; the call of ministry. What I thought was me simply making a pursuit toward a career and desire turned out to be so much more. The decision I made ended up becoming much more than I had ever imagined. The time since has been the most challenging and the most rewarding of my life. It has also changed me in ways I never believed possible.

The story of what happened is for another time, at least for those who don't already know it. I want to talk about something I've learned.

If you had talked to me or known me before I left home, you would have known someone who was very learned in theology, politics, and other things. But those were the two most important to me. I loved God and I also loved my understanding of God. I believed every word of the Bible and I made all points of my worldview through that understanding. I was also extremely politically conservative, being a huge fan of all things Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and [insert intelligent conservative ideologue]. They were my political muses, and politically I was a less popular extension of them.

Many things have since changed, although probably not in the ways you expect me to say. For the political-minded who might be wondering, I apologize because I'm not going to expand my thinking on the subject in this post. For those interested in my faith journey, this post is for you.

A funny thing happens when you get closer to God. It's cliche to say but no less true that the more you pursue understanding Him, the further you realize you are from just that. The infinite nature of God only begins to take shape as you grow to know Him. I had always heard people say that before, but had never experienced it myself.

I was, and still am extremely theologically learned. Part of it is due to being raised by a master theologian, and part of it is from pursuing it on my own from the time of my adolescence. I have learned from many, many brilliant theological thinkers as well as from my own studies. It is something that I once relied on as a great strength of mine.

Looking back now, I see that confident young theologian and shake my head. I knew so much, yet I knew so little. The past years have taught me something I never understood then, they have brought me realization which I never had before. Before all my learning had been the biggest part of my relationship with God. I had personal relationship as well, but it was limited to what I understood. I put God into my box of understanding. I put God, all of God, into the Bible and my other learnings. I had made my theology more than it was.

What I didn't know then that I know now is that one of the first things God does when you truly pursue Him is destroy your preconceived notions. He is loving, so He doesn't do it before He knows we're committed to it. But once we say "here I come" with all our heart He starts. Before you know it you start wondering if you even know what you believe anymore. He lets it all be challenged, and we have two choices: we can fight it or we can roll with the waves. Either way He's going to win out and we'll be changed, we just determine the duration of the change.

Why does He do this? What seems so cruel and hard is actually the most loving thing He could do for us who already thought we understood so much. He's taking us back to the source. He's teaching us that He's real, and that He is much more interested in relationship with us than He is about us understanding Biblical concepts.

And therein is the weakness of theology. For all the good of it, which is paramount, it is not enough. Our theology is worthless outside of relationship with Him. If He is not real to us, if He is not a part of our lives as a living person then all our knowledge of Him is wasted. It may help us teach others, or preach a good sermon, or live "good" lives, but if we are doing those things apart from spending time with Him then that theology is only driving us further from Him. To study God without God involved belittles Him in our lives. Theology outside of relationship is religion, and religion is death.

In the infamous Matthew 7:22-24 Jesus is warning the disciples of this exact danger. He tells them of those out there doing the work of God, but when they come before Him Jesus tells them, "Away from me, I never knew you." Great theology never saved a soul, only relationship does.

The single greatest danger in the church is that it becomes full of great theologians and empty of sons and daughters of God. A church reliant fully on its understanding of God and not focused on leading people into relationship is doomed to fail. It is also doomed to create prideful, judgmental people. A church full of theologians but devoid of relationship is the Christian Church that the world hates. That is the church spewing out political hatred and calling down judgment on the world. It is a church that believes it understands God but truly doesn't know Him. It is a church that believes it is better than the people it lives amongst.

God never meant for us to have all the answers. He never meant for us to find all of Him within the pages of the Bible. Is the Bible true? Absolutely. Is it useful and important? Infinitely! Is it all we are to know of God? Not at all. The Bible is the beginning of revelation of God. It is the foundation we build upon. It is the Word of God. All of the Bible is of God, but not all of God is in the Bible. That is the weakness of theology.

The last season of my life I have lost everything I ever held onto for comfort that was inside me, everything that was from my own understanding and power. In losing that I found that He is the answer, and He is so much more than I ever could have understood without being broken first. He is so much more loving, so much more caring, so much more giving, so much more understanding, and so much better than I ever could have understood in my theology. Even though my theology was mostly right it didn't matter. It didn't matter because my relationship with Him wasn't the center of it. Instead of spending time with Him I just grabbed more books or listened to more sermons. Those were my go-to, while they should have been my secondary source.

I write this now to help set you free as well. I want you to know Him as I do. I've known too many who had good theology but lost their faith when hard times came, all because their faith was in that theology and not in Him. Those that know Him are the heroes of the faith Those that know Him are willing to die for Him. If you've never experienced relationship with Him but just believe the Word, then it's time to go deeper. The Word, the Bible, is meant to lead you to Him, it's not meant to give you all you need. It's meant to be the starter and the supplement to relationship with Him. It's mean to steer the compass, but it's not meant to encompass. He is so much bigger, and He is so ready to be right there with you through it all.

Getting to know Him, really know Him, has been the greatest journey of my life. It is far from over, but even the shift in focus has brought greater freedom than I've ever known before. I still study, and I still listen to sermons. I still read my Bible. But I never do those things on my own any more. The focus is now always on, "what are YOU saying to me here?" It's a process I get to carry out through relationship, and it's amazing what I get to learn as a result. Failure now is no longer something to be ashamed of but an opportunity to grow. Relationship with Him means I have permission to take questions to Him, it means I have permission to feel my emotions without feeling guilty. He is such a safe place, and His love has nothing to do with our perfection. Rather the more you spend time with Him the more perfection grows in you naturally, for we become whatever it is we behold.

God is not just God in that distant way we think of Him when all we are is theologians. He is Father, Papa, Daddy! He is our best friend and our greatest advocate. He is everything we need Him to be in our lives and more.

It's time to stop only accepting the gift Jesus gave us of salvation through the Cross, and start to walk in the gift of relationship we were also given now that the power of sin has been broken and we have been adopted. We don't have to wait until we die to know God on a personal level. God our Father is awaiting us with open arms, whether we know our theology or not. All we have to is run to Him, and as we do watch the world around us change with us.