God is Joyful, Why Aren't We?

Last night we gathered as a family an hour before bed.  My kids love the show "America's Funniest Home Videos" (or "AFV", but seriously, that's dumb) and since it's on Netflix we like to watch it as a family sometimes at night. I remember doing it as a kid every Sunday evening, and I love to give that to my kids as well.

So before we watched we decided to do our family prayer time. This is essential with 4 kids under 7 because once 7:30 passes prayer time becomes a mish-mash of "I'm TIRED!", "I'm THIRSTY!", "I want to pray for (insert name) not you!!!". Tired kids often resemble angry drunks (look it's been proven that tiredness does the same thing to the brain as drunkenness, I'm not just saying it to be mean!), and because of this timing is EVERYTHING.

Because we got the timing right this night, prayer time went swimmingly. The kids were passionately praying for our loved ones and as a father I was very proud. Then as prayer time was winding down I decided to lead them into a time of just resting in the presence of God. So we invited God to come and touch us and we shared laughs as He did (He ALWAYS does!). As this was happening I started to lead the kids in a prayer of thankfulness, and as I started I heard in my head, "I love to watch shows with you guys!". This made me smile and so I told the kids and watched as they lit up and laughed! They were enjoying God, and basking in His enjoyment of them. And I just had one of those moments where you think, "this is what it's all about."

Why do so many kids raised by Christians turn away from the faith? I really believe it's because:
a) western Christianity has taught us that good theology is all you need and so we have substituted teachings for experience
b) we have expected our kids to know truth without encounter
c) we have been so afraid of sin that we focus more on avoiding sin instead of focusing on how joyful a life with God is
d) we have lived our own lives without joy, and as kids grow they don't want to be like us anymore as a result.

Along with teaching our kids the Bible and "good theology", we have prioritized leading them to actually EXPERIENCE God. We are obviously not perfect, and I can't speak as to what choices my children will make in the future, but I know that my six-year-old is already speaking in tongues, has conversations with God, prophecies over people, and has had multiple people be healed at the touch of his hands. He already knows that God answers His prayers and that God is REAL. Not because we told him, but because of his own experience. That is not something that he will lose because of good teaching by a atheist college professor someday. My son already feels the pleasure of God in his spirit and his body, and he knows that God loves to laugh with him!

He's the oldest and the boldest, so his experiences have already far surpassed his sisters, But even they are learning the pleasure of God and the FUN of God! My daughters love to dance to worship (yes, we love and encourage DANCING in our house! It IS Biblical!). Almost every day my 4-year-old Sonora wants music put on so they all can throw what they call a "God party!" As a parent I just marvel at this. Despite the many mistakes I've made with them, to see them still loving and going after God on their own means that something is going right!

And thinking of this now I've thought about the world around us.

Over the years I have talked to numerous people about God, most of them young adults. One of the things I frequently hear from them is that they don't believe God is any fun. They think of Him as some extremely serious old man in the sky looking to ruin their fun. Their mindset is perfectly summed up by Billy Joel in the song Only the Good Die Young.

He sings about heaven, "Some say it's better but I say it ain't. I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints."

Billy Joel isn't alone. Multiple times in my life I've heard "Why would I want to go to Heaven? At least in hell my friends will be there."

Are these ignorant statements? Absolutely. They are statements that hold no clue as to what truth is. But that's not the fault of these people, it's OUR fault as Christians.

We are the ones who created the "serious God" perception. We are the ones who started trying to convert the world by telling people how BAD hell was. We were the ones who took the focus off of how GOOD God was!

The world doesn't want Jesus because we have done a horrible job of communicating how good He is!

Oh we do a great job of saying "God is good because He sent Jesus to save you from Hell," but it mostly stops there. Then we try to ram down their throats just how BAD Hell is, and people either get terrified or apathetic. We are doing our recruiting with negative reinforcement, and we wonder why people tune us out?

What people need to know is the God of joy, the Jesus who was happy! They need to know that God doesn't want to ruin our fun, He wants to lead us to the BEST fun! A life of joy and peace and love and hope!

It's time for the church to pick this up again and run with it. Let's teach people the Good News! Not the "Better than Hell so it's Good News" but the fully true, fully joyful, fully transformational GOOD NEWS! The news about a God who loves us so much that He died not just to save us but to LIVE WITH US. He died to give us things on earth that we couldn't get without Him, good things!

Jesus was full of joy:

Luke 10:21 - "At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit"...

John 17:13 - "I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I'm still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them."

Hebrews 1:9 - "You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you (Jesus) with the oil of joy."

And so were the disciples:

Acts 13:52 - "And the disciples were filled with joy and the Holy Spirit.

And the Holy Spirit (which lives in us!):

Galatians 5:22 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, goodness, kindness, faithfulness,"

If Jesus was full of joy, and the disciples were full of joy, and the Holy Spirit that is in us is full of joy, WHY AREN'T WE FULL OF JOY!?!

I personally believe we have placed asceticism above joy as Christians. Somewhere in history western Christians decided that since the Bible said we'd share in the sufferings of Christ that we should start MAKING ourselves suffer. Since James wrote that we should find joy in tribulation, we should CREATE tribulations for ourselves. Somewhere we decided that God wanted us to be miserable and find joy in it. That God doesn't care about our dreams.

This is such a lie!

As Christians we should be more alive than anyone else. Will we suffer sometimes? Of course! But that suffering is not to be self inflicted! I know too many Christians who refuse to do anything fun for fear that fun is a sin. They won't dance, they won't watch a movie, they won't have a glass of wine, they won't get involved with sports, etc... They just sit around and criticize everyone else who is having a good time. Instead of using discernment to determine WHICH movies are ok, WHICH dances are ok, HOW MUCH wine is ok, they are just too afraid to even participate.

And they wonder why the world keeps choosing hell?

The church is the closest thing people can get on earth to experiencing what heaven should be like. We ARE the church. Nonbelievers should be amazed at how safe they feel with us. They should be awed at the fun we are having even though we don't need to sin to do it. They should be jealous of how close we are as a family, and how good we are at taking care of one another. They should be looking at us and thinking, "God must be so good to have such a happy, whole people."

THIS is how we help people. By showing them truth! By showing them a God who believes in the dreams of His children. By showing them a God who is all-loving, all-generous, all-caring. We should be serving with joy!

Instead what they are seeing and hearing is criticism. They are hearing hate. They are hearing fear.

Church, it's time to lead the world into an encounter with the real God. Let's allow God to bring us joy and fullness of life again, and watch as the world around us changes. I have already seen the changes it is bringing to my family and others, it's real, and He is good!

7 Things God Has Taught Me About Parenting

As a parent of 4 young kids, I am ready to admit that I constantly mess up. I am always learning and constantly being humbled. Along with my marriage, my kids are the greatest treasure and responsibility in my life. They bring me more joy than I ever imagined as well as more challenges. They have taught me that parenting is a whole lot of trial and error, especially because each kid is different. What works for one doesn't work for another, and so on.

Like any parent, I want to make as little mistakes as possible. As a result I have read parenting books and watched parenting videos. I have taken what I believe worked well from how I was parented and tried to weed out what I believe were mistakes.

As someone who has relationship with God through Jesus, I also know that there is only one perfect parent; God the Father. He parents us all perfectly, and therefore I know that He is the one I want to emulate the most. Not only because I want to be a good parent, but also because my wife and I are the people most responsible for giving our children their first impressions of what God is like. Not because we are perfect and all-powerful, but because we are the first real authority in their lives. We teach them what it is like to have a constant presence in their lives that is ultimately in charge. We can either launch our kids off to a strong start to success in life and relationship with God, or we can miss the mark and leave our kids with mountains to overcome and wounds to be healed from. It's our choice.

I want to do the former for my kids. I'm sure we all do! So for what they are worth I'm going to share what God has taught me about parenting. Obviously I'm not perfect in following these, but that's ok. That's where Grace comes in. But I try to follow these principles as best as I can, and let the rest of my parenting fall within the parameters of them. Hope they will help you too!

1) Discipline is different than punishment.

    God disciplines His kids (Hebrews 12) but there is no Biblical precedent for Him punishing them. After the wrath of God was sated by Jesus' death, the only mentions of punishment in the New Testament are when Hell is being talked about or in regards to governmental authority. In other words, because of Grace punishment only comes as a natural result of our choices. Worldly authority can punish those that are living against the rules (usually endangering others) and then Hell naturally punishes those that want nothing to do with God (Hell is the only place totally absent of God). But there is no mention of God punishing anyone.
    Why?
    Punishment is about paying a price, while discipline is about leading and growing someone into success. There is no redemption in punishment, there is no rehabilitation. God never does anything that doesn't help us grow. He is always focused on us first of all developing deeper relationship with Him, and secondly growing us to succeed in becoming more like Him (perfection).
    Punishment is about finality, about serving penance.  As parents we are never to be done with our kids. As parents we should never do anything to our kids that doesn't assist them in growing to be better. This is why it is never a good idea to discipline out of anger, for in anger we are usually seeking to merely punish and we miss the aspect of discipline. As parents we need to accept the fact that our kids don't owe us anything. They are our responsibility, we are not theirs. Everything we do should be about steering them forward and not about halting their process. That is the difference between discipline and punishment.

2) A good parent never stops believing in their children.

    This should go without saying, but unfortunately it needs to be said. God never gives up on us. Ultimately we can choose whether or not we give up on Him, but He is never the one who makes that choice. As parents we should never be the ones making that choice either.

3) A good parent gives their children freedom to fail.

    This mostly applies as our children grow older. But God gave us free will for one reason, and it is that we could love Him freely. In doing this He risked that some would not love Him. He risked abandonment and heartbreak in order that we might live more fully. He chose to powerful creations in relationship with Him, instead of making us merely pets or slaves.
    Our children are powerful. They are humans created in God's image. If we try to control them we are being a whole lot less loving than God has been with us. In trying to control our kids or manipulate them into doing what we want them to do or what we believe is best we are making their lives more about us than about them. True love is letting them go and assuring them that we will always be there for them. That's what God does for us, even when we are being foolish. He allows us to fail, but always gives us the option to return to the safe place that He is. Even if we turn our backs to Him He is always ready to pick up the phone and encourage us if we call. He lets us fail so that when we turn back it is real.
    One of the best things we can do as parents is allow our kids to fail. When they are still in our house we will need to discipline them, but when they are out we just need to let them know we love them and are there if they need us. Offering advice is great, God does it with us. But manipulation, guilt, shame, whatever we want to use to try to force our kids into changing is ultimately the opposite of the heart of God for us. We can do better.

4) A good parent never stops encouraging.

    This goes hand in hand with the last two. Jesus called the Holy Spirit the "Comforter" (John 14), and Paul says that God has given us eternal encouragement (2 Thessalonians 2:16). In other words, God's presence and words to us are always enveloped in comfort and encouragement. Even in disagreement God finds ways to encourage and comfort us.
     If we are to be good parents, we need to find ways to always encourage our kids and comfort them. Even in our discipline, disagreement, or disappointment. Studies have shown that men especially list the encouragement of parents as one of their top reasons for success. Encouragement is a God-given strategy for building up successful, loving children. Our children should never leave a conversation with us without feeling loved and encouraged.

5) A good parent supports the dreams of their children.

    The word "desire" when broken down literally means "from father" (de= of, from; sire=father). As children made in God's image our deepest desires were put there by God. Using discernment, we can tell which of our kids desires are pure, noble and good, and which are not. A lot of times our dreams for our kids may not match up with what is in their heart. As good parents we need to be able to let go of what our expectations for them may be.
    It should be obvious that I'm not talking about supporting immoral or harmful desires that our kids may have (for some desires can come from another father, the "father of lies"). But if we really believed our child would be best as a teacher but they desire to be a musician, we need to support them in this, even if we can't see how it would be "successful." Some dreams are fleeting but still need to be attempted. While others may actually be desires deeply imbedded in their hearts by God, and the pursuit of those will ends up in success that far surpasses most of our imaginations.
   The easiest way to shut down a child's passion and joy is to stomp out their dreams. It is also the surest way to guarantee them a life of failure. God knows this, which is why He gives us those desires in the first place (Psalm 37:4) and then encourages us to ask for whatever our hearts desire, according to His will (multiple times in John 15-16).

6) A good parent is quick to forgive and to ask forgiveness.

    And now we've come full circle. Just as God lowered Himself to forgive us, we need to do the same to our kids. Every day. We also are all going to fail, and we need to humble ourselves and ask their forgiveness as well. Get over yourself, you're not perfect. You will make bad decisions, you will sometimes act out of anger or frustration. Our kids need to know that we love them enough to make things right.
    Obviously God never needs to ask our forgiveness, for He's perfect. Yet He still gives us the formula that we need to emulate.
    Forgiveness resets the standard, and we all need to constantly reset it. Once forgiven we are perfect until we screw up again. This is what Grace is all about. To be as close to perfect parents as possible, we need to be forgiven constantly. We also need to show our kids how forgiving God is. Nothing will attract them to Him more than to experience His mercy and grace.
    Also, don't forget to forgive yourself!

  7) There is so much more!

   Who can fully know God? Only Christ. I hope these little revelations of mine prove helpful, but remember to constantly seek Him for your own revelations, and then share them with me!