The Weakness of Theology

The last couple years of my life have changed everything for me. When you decide to really go after God everything shifts. Two and a half years ago I made the decision to be all-in. I made the choice to go after all that I had believed to be true but with no more safety net to keep me comfortable. I decided to put my faith to the test. Of course, I didn't know it at the time.

Long story short, I decided to go back to school in order to pursue that which I believed was my call in life; the call of ministry. What I thought was me simply making a pursuit toward a career and desire turned out to be so much more. The decision I made ended up becoming much more than I had ever imagined. The time since has been the most challenging and the most rewarding of my life. It has also changed me in ways I never believed possible.

The story of what happened is for another time, at least for those who don't already know it. I want to talk about something I've learned.

If you had talked to me or known me before I left home, you would have known someone who was very learned in theology, politics, and other things. But those were the two most important to me. I loved God and I also loved my understanding of God. I believed every word of the Bible and I made all points of my worldview through that understanding. I was also extremely politically conservative, being a huge fan of all things Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, and [insert intelligent conservative ideologue]. They were my political muses, and politically I was a less popular extension of them.

Many things have since changed, although probably not in the ways you expect me to say. For the political-minded who might be wondering, I apologize because I'm not going to expand my thinking on the subject in this post. For those interested in my faith journey, this post is for you.

A funny thing happens when you get closer to God. It's cliche to say but no less true that the more you pursue understanding Him, the further you realize you are from just that. The infinite nature of God only begins to take shape as you grow to know Him. I had always heard people say that before, but had never experienced it myself.

I was, and still am extremely theologically learned. Part of it is due to being raised by a master theologian, and part of it is from pursuing it on my own from the time of my adolescence. I have learned from many, many brilliant theological thinkers as well as from my own studies. It is something that I once relied on as a great strength of mine.

Looking back now, I see that confident young theologian and shake my head. I knew so much, yet I knew so little. The past years have taught me something I never understood then, they have brought me realization which I never had before. Before all my learning had been the biggest part of my relationship with God. I had personal relationship as well, but it was limited to what I understood. I put God into my box of understanding. I put God, all of God, into the Bible and my other learnings. I had made my theology more than it was.

What I didn't know then that I know now is that one of the first things God does when you truly pursue Him is destroy your preconceived notions. He is loving, so He doesn't do it before He knows we're committed to it. But once we say "here I come" with all our heart He starts. Before you know it you start wondering if you even know what you believe anymore. He lets it all be challenged, and we have two choices: we can fight it or we can roll with the waves. Either way He's going to win out and we'll be changed, we just determine the duration of the change.

Why does He do this? What seems so cruel and hard is actually the most loving thing He could do for us who already thought we understood so much. He's taking us back to the source. He's teaching us that He's real, and that He is much more interested in relationship with us than He is about us understanding Biblical concepts.

And therein is the weakness of theology. For all the good of it, which is paramount, it is not enough. Our theology is worthless outside of relationship with Him. If He is not real to us, if He is not a part of our lives as a living person then all our knowledge of Him is wasted. It may help us teach others, or preach a good sermon, or live "good" lives, but if we are doing those things apart from spending time with Him then that theology is only driving us further from Him. To study God without God involved belittles Him in our lives. Theology outside of relationship is religion, and religion is death.

In the infamous Matthew 7:22-24 Jesus is warning the disciples of this exact danger. He tells them of those out there doing the work of God, but when they come before Him Jesus tells them, "Away from me, I never knew you." Great theology never saved a soul, only relationship does.

The single greatest danger in the church is that it becomes full of great theologians and empty of sons and daughters of God. A church reliant fully on its understanding of God and not focused on leading people into relationship is doomed to fail. It is also doomed to create prideful, judgmental people. A church full of theologians but devoid of relationship is the Christian Church that the world hates. That is the church spewing out political hatred and calling down judgment on the world. It is a church that believes it understands God but truly doesn't know Him. It is a church that believes it is better than the people it lives amongst.

God never meant for us to have all the answers. He never meant for us to find all of Him within the pages of the Bible. Is the Bible true? Absolutely. Is it useful and important? Infinitely! Is it all we are to know of God? Not at all. The Bible is the beginning of revelation of God. It is the foundation we build upon. It is the Word of God. All of the Bible is of God, but not all of God is in the Bible. That is the weakness of theology.

The last season of my life I have lost everything I ever held onto for comfort that was inside me, everything that was from my own understanding and power. In losing that I found that He is the answer, and He is so much more than I ever could have understood without being broken first. He is so much more loving, so much more caring, so much more giving, so much more understanding, and so much better than I ever could have understood in my theology. Even though my theology was mostly right it didn't matter. It didn't matter because my relationship with Him wasn't the center of it. Instead of spending time with Him I just grabbed more books or listened to more sermons. Those were my go-to, while they should have been my secondary source.

I write this now to help set you free as well. I want you to know Him as I do. I've known too many who had good theology but lost their faith when hard times came, all because their faith was in that theology and not in Him. Those that know Him are the heroes of the faith Those that know Him are willing to die for Him. If you've never experienced relationship with Him but just believe the Word, then it's time to go deeper. The Word, the Bible, is meant to lead you to Him, it's not meant to give you all you need. It's meant to be the starter and the supplement to relationship with Him. It's mean to steer the compass, but it's not meant to encompass. He is so much bigger, and He is so ready to be right there with you through it all.

Getting to know Him, really know Him, has been the greatest journey of my life. It is far from over, but even the shift in focus has brought greater freedom than I've ever known before. I still study, and I still listen to sermons. I still read my Bible. But I never do those things on my own any more. The focus is now always on, "what are YOU saying to me here?" It's a process I get to carry out through relationship, and it's amazing what I get to learn as a result. Failure now is no longer something to be ashamed of but an opportunity to grow. Relationship with Him means I have permission to take questions to Him, it means I have permission to feel my emotions without feeling guilty. He is such a safe place, and His love has nothing to do with our perfection. Rather the more you spend time with Him the more perfection grows in you naturally, for we become whatever it is we behold.

God is not just God in that distant way we think of Him when all we are is theologians. He is Father, Papa, Daddy! He is our best friend and our greatest advocate. He is everything we need Him to be in our lives and more.

It's time to stop only accepting the gift Jesus gave us of salvation through the Cross, and start to walk in the gift of relationship we were also given now that the power of sin has been broken and we have been adopted. We don't have to wait until we die to know God on a personal level. God our Father is awaiting us with open arms, whether we know our theology or not. All we have to is run to Him, and as we do watch the world around us change with us.